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Masculine Studies

I've entitled this page "Masculine Studies" which will become an entire website devoted to just that. Being the best man the way we were hard-wired to be.

Meanwhile, I want to create a meeting or call (phone, Skype, or other) which I will lead, in which we meet weekly and support each other with ruthless compassion in being the best men we can be. This call will be for men who are married, or in a long-term committed relationship only. This includes men who are engaged or considering becoming so. Marriage is, to coin a phrase, "Alien, enemy, hostile territory" for a man and as such, it is vital that he be equipped for this most sacred and worthwhile mission. The core goal of this call will be to help men literally "Be the men they always wanted to be." What a "hokey" sounding thing! But I don't think there's any better way to put it.

Incidentally, if you're a man who's led this sort of thing, don't hesitate to step up to help. I'm scared shitless leading this thing. It's important. Families are a stake, and that's not an exaggeration.

The context or "rule set" for these meetings will be simple, and will adhere to the teachings and philosophies of teachers like Justin Sterling, Dave Deida, and others. If you do not believe the underlying premises of these men, this call is simply not for you. I would prefer that attendees have successfully complete the Sterling Men's Weekend, or Legacy Discovery Event, hosted by Men's Division International, though I will carefully consider men who have not, as long as you have a working knowledge of how a masculine man is hardwired. The most important factor is that this be a 100% safe place for men to get what they need to succeed in being a man in a largely feminized world. A man needs to be comfortable sharing completely, without fear of reprisal or judgment. Men must also be willing to step in if they feel a man is a danger to himself, his family or others without breaking this sacred confidentiality. This is a lot to ask and must not be taken lightly. Vegas rules and then some apply.

The crux of these meetings will be:
  • Greetings & roll call.
  • Commitment to confidentiality.
  • Checking in: What's going on for you? Are you OK? Do you need anything?
  • Spending time supporting each man based on content of check in
  • Victory stories and/or exercise.
  • Optional education (rules & truths: marriage, fatherhood, leadership, etc.)
  • Bullshitting, scheduling next call
I'm compelled to create this call because I fought tooth and nail for every ounce of manhood I have. I lived the majority of my life as a semi-dishonorable, feminized man and gained what I have through desperation, hard-work, and surrender. Everything I know about being a father, husband, leader and masculine man came mostly from books and seminars, coupled with 6 years of weekly meetings with a group of men of the same mindset. And even now, it's still a constant fight to maintain what I have. And so by creating "this" (whatever "this" is) is my way of "keeping what I have by giving it away". In other words, I'm not a "natural" masculine man in the slightest. If I am one now, I became one despite a lot of things. As such, I think people who had to fight for a bit of knowledge are much better suited to teach that knowledge vs. someone who's "natural". I've always been a natural at playing lead guitar. I suck at teaching it. And I think this rule is very common. We teach best what we had to fight for, and we keep it best by doing just that: Teaching it to others. I humbly--and I mean humbly--invite you to learn from my struggles.

Some recommended resources for getting up to speed:
  • Attend and complete the Sterling Men's Weekend. Justin Sterling will not be alive forever, and his weekend is the Gold Standard
  • Read: Way of the Superior Man by David Deida: This book will give you an "aha" on the differences between masculine and feminine energy, and even explain how and why your dearly beloved tests the shit out of you sometimes, and what a gift that actually is. A MUST READ if you're serious about being the best man you can be.
  • Read: Hold Onto your N.U.T.S: This cheesy title holds a lot of punch. This is information directly from the Sterling Men's Weekend, which I still cannot believe is in print. It's not the whole weekend, but the basic nuts and bolts that will help you understand some very perplexing feminine mysteries. Do yourself a favor and read it. Do your best to ignore the way he's written it, as if his readers were a bunch of new kids on a little league team. He's still done a great job at distilling some very true and valuable rules.
  • Read: Open Her, Activate 7 Masculine Powers to Arouse Your Woman's Love & Desire: Written by a woman, and a true "bad-ass" woman at that. This will give an idea of how to become a more rounded man, both in your every day life, and sexually. It's a bit daunting, and at first reading I felt like I could never come close. But her summaries at the end explain things in such a way that you realize it's all "one way of being" and very do-able as long as you don't over think it. (What I call "Mind-Fucking it to death")
Yours in spirit,

Ken LaVoie
Son of Ken, SMW Oct '99

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Letter to Keith Richards - My guitar hero and brother in spirit